Talk Nerdy To Me
by PSITeleport
Summary: Maggie's a very smart girl.  And smart girls have the strangest kinks.


**A/N:** Sadly, I have, like, zero time for writing this semester. But I was able to pound out this little ficlet a couple of nights ago when I should have been sleeping, and was unable to because of nightmares. By the strictest, technical definition, it should probably be rated T. But, if you use your imagination, I think you'll find that "M" is written between all the lines. Thanks for reading! And please review, even if it's just to say that you have no clue what's going on. If anything, do it because it's my birthday. :D

**Talk Nerdy To Me**

Jasper woke up to the sound of his phone ringing. The face glowed a bright blue in his darkened bedroom, his Muse ring tone enough to jerk him out of sleep and get his attention. He reached over to his nightstand and wrapped dopey fingers around the phone, then held it in front of his face so he could see the time and the caller. 2:13 am. Maggie. He slid it open and answered it just to make it shut up.

"Zuh?"

"Jasper, are you awake?"

"I am _now_." He glanced over to see if it had also woken up Henry. Henry blinked at him, completely alert despite the time.

"It's just Maggie," Jasper told him.

"She's calling you late. Maybe there's trouble."

Maggie voice piped up from the phone. "Tell Henry to go back to sleep. Nothing's wrong. I just need to talk to you."

He relayed the message, and Henry obeyed easily enough. He rolled over in his hammock, and within a few seconds Jasper heard light snoring. He put the phone back to his ear.

"What could you possibly need to talk about at two-thirteen in the morning?" he said. "Are you aware that people generally use these hours where the sun is on the other side of the planet for _sleeping_?"

"I've got a problem," she said, "and as much as I hate to admit it, you're the only one that can help me with it."

"So, what is it?"

"You know our AP Bio exam tomorrow?"

"Yeah..."

"I didn't study for it."

Jasper blinked, disbelieving. "You're yanking me," he said. "Margaret Winnock didn't study for a test?"

"I didn't have time," she barked, instantly defensive. "I was too busy with the stupid elections. Which, by the way, I still think you should concede to me."

"Fat chance," he said. "Until Henry casts his vote, I'm going to keep sucking up to him."

"You would."

"So what am I supposed to do to solve your non-studying problem? Wear a wig and take the test for you?"

"I haven't even read the chapter on the human digestive system. I was hoping you'd condescend to give me a quick rundown so I won't walk in there blind."

"Of the whole chapter? It's two-thirteen!" He pulled the phone away from his face and checked it. "Correction: it is now two-_four_teen. And I also have an exam to take, for which I should be well-rested."

"Come on, Jasper," she said, uncharacteristically pathetic. He could just imagine her wringing her hands. "It won't take that long. Five, ten minutes, tops. Please?"

He yawned and shook his head, more annoyed than he probably would have been if he hadn't been woken up from such a nice dream about Arianna. "_Just_ the fundamentals," he said. "If I have to recount the entire chapter, you're better off reading it yourself."

It occurred to him, later, that reading it herself was exactly what she should have done. With her memory, she could have given the pages a quick scan and been fully prepared. But he was exhausted and frustrated and not thinking all that clearly, so he propped himself up with a couple of pillows and sighed.

"Okay, so, the chapter basically follows food as it travels through the digestive system, starting in the burger wrapper, or, in your case, the front lawn, and finishing its journey somewhere in the vicinity of the porcelain throne."

"Be serious," she said. "My GPA is riding on this."

He grinned to himself. "Anyway, digestion begins in the mouth. The chewing action and salivary enzymes start to break down polysaccharides into shorter-chain saccharides-"

"What's a saccharide?"

That was a weird question for her to ask. He knew she knew the answer to it, because they'd studied that stuff in chemistry the year before. Maybe she was just tired.

"Remember? Carbon-hydrogen-oxygen molecules in a ratio of one-to-two-to-one? Sugar, Maggie."

"Right. Okay."

"The portion of food swallowed at one time is called a bolus. Don't forget that; it was in one of the yellow highlighted boxes in the book so you know Cartwright will put it in the test."

"Uh huh."

"Once the food is in the stomach, hydrochloric acid denatures the protein. Then pepsin can break the protein into smaller polypeptides."

"Hmm..."

There was something weird about her voice. She sounded distracted, like she was recording the conversation with one part of her brain and playing Farmville with the other. It was kind of insulting, actually.

"Are you paying attention?" he said. "I'm not doing this for the joy of it. The least you could do is _pretend_ like you're listening."

"I'm listening. I'm just..." He heard the sounds of shifting in the phone. "...taking notes. Talk slower."

Easy enough to do. He was half asleep as it was. "So now the protein's half-digested, and the food goes into the small intestine, where it's pushed through by peristalsis." He paused, giving her a chance to write her notes. He could hear her breathing, slow and rhythmic until she murmured for him to continue.

"You're supposed to know the three segments of the small intestine," he said.

"And what are the three segments of the small intestine?"

"The duodenum, the jejunum, and the ileum."

A long, slow breath, and she said "gimme a sec." He waited, and after a while it began to seem like she wasn't going to prompt him to go on.

"You awake?" he said.

"Mm-hm. Keep talking."

"So, carbohydrates are mostly digested in the small intestine. Different enzymes break the long-chain saccharides into hexoses-"

"And what's that process called, Jasper?"

He sat there, quiet, for a long time. Okay, he wasn't crazy. There was definitely an odd quality her voice. It was...breathy, maybe. Beyond sleepy. Maybe she was getting sick? He didn't know what was going on, but _some_thing was. After a moment, he tentatively offered, "hydrolysis."

And he heard it. A tiny gasp, then she laughed almost imperceptibly. Now he was starting to wonder if she was _drunk_.

"Hydro-what?"

Confused, weirded-out, he licked his lips and said it again. "Hydrolysis."

A soft response, as if to herself rather than him. "Oh, yeah. That's it..."

"Dude, what is _wrong_ with you?"

"Nothing..." she said, with none of the snap he was expecting. She sounded more relaxed that he'd ever heard her. "I'm just tired..." As if to emphasize this, she exhaled softly again. "Really tired..."

"Well, stick with me a little longer. If you fall asleep while I'm going over this I'm going to go postal on you."

"I'm sticking..."

"We're also supposed to know the classes of saccharides. Pay attention, okay? The monosaccharides are glucose, fructose, and galactose. The disaccharides are maltose, sucrose and lactose. And the polysacchrides are glycogen-"

"Oh, god..."

"What?"

"Nothing," she gasped. "Just...writing it down..."

"Would you write faster?"

"I'm..." He thought he heard her swallow. "I'm writing as fast as I can, Jasper..."

He couldn't figure out _what _it was in her voice that was so different from normal. Lower? Kind of strained. Whatever it was, the way she said his name made sweat break out under his arms. He forgot to finish listing the polysaccharides. And she never asked for them.

"So, um..." He swallowed. "You should be able to figure out the enzymes responsible for breaking down each saccharide because you just take off the -ose and change it to -ase. Like maltase hydrolyzes maltose." He had a feeling that that had been incomprehensible, especially since he was pretty sure he'd just made up the word 'hydrolyzes' on the fly. But Maggie just murmured encouragement.

"Right..."

"And, you know, for lactose you need lact_ase_..."

"...uh-huh..."

"Does that make sense?"

"Oh, _yes. _It makes _so_ much sense..."

"And for sucrose, you need sucrase..."

"...yeah..."

"And the carbohydrase that hydrolyzes starch is called amylase. Don't forget that one."

"Jasper..."

There it was again. His name choked out in a way that made goosebumps rise up on his arms. He was sweating like crazy and he didn't know why, only his body seemed to understand much better than his brain did what was going on with Maggie. He didn't think her problem was sleepiness, but he was out of ideas.

"What?"

More shifting sounds in the phone, like fabric against the mouthpiece. Or a pillow. If she was taking notes, she was doing it lying down. How weird.

"What happens when the blood glucose level drops?"

He chewed his lip. "I guess the liver breaks down its glycogen stores..."

"No..." She sounded frustrated. Breathless. "I mean after that. When the glycogen stores are depleted..."

"Well, then..." He rubbed the back of his dampened neck. "...the body has to generate glucose from non-carbohydrate carbon substrates..."

A low sound. So brief and quiet he almost missed it. A pant or gasp or something. Was she _crying_? He'd never heard her cry before, didn't even think she was capable of it.

"Mags, what's wrong with you?"

"Nothing. Nothing, Jasper. Keep talking. I'm...taking notes but I'm almost finished..."

"You sound sick..."

"I'm almost finished..."

"Mags?"

"What's it called, Jasper? That process?"

Her breathing was deafening, now. Jasper's shirt was wet. He wiped his forehead on the back of his hand.

"I..."

"Tell me, Jasper. Hurry..."

"It's called..." His throat stuck; he swallowed and tried again. "It's called gluconeogenesis."

Maggie exhaled sharply, then went completely silent. Seconds ticked by and he waited, frozen, terrified, until she finally gasped in another breath. She was sobbing, definitely sobbing, but the near-silent laugh embedded within confused the hell out of him.

"Maggie?"

"Mm..." Her voice tremored slightly, but then she sighed. When she spoke again, everything was gone from her voice except contentment. "I'm here."

Jasper opened his mouth to respond, but he found that he had no clue what to say. She was cracking up. She'd worked herself too hard with the elections and exams and that atom bomb shiznit and had totally neglected her mental health. But if she refused to talk about it, there was nothing he could do. He finally said, "I think, maybe, you need to get some sleep."

"Probably," she said. "I guess I'll just have to wing the exam."

He couldn't believe she'd given in so easily. Never thought he'd hear her say something like that. But he nodded. "Winging it's good. I'll try not to pown the test so you don't feel bad if you flunk."

She chuckled. "Whatever."

"Listen," he said. "Don't be afraid to call me if you need something, okay?"

"I always do. See you tomorrow."

"See ya."

The connection dropped, and Jasper slid his phone shut. He sat there in the dark for a minute, tapping the edge of it against his bottom lip. Hearing her voice in his thoughts, and just the memory made sweat bead up on his forehead again.

"Jasper," Henry said from the hammock, breaking him out of his reverie. "You stink like a wild boar during mating season."

"I do?"

"I thought we agreed that we'd quarantine that particular activity to fully-private locations. Like the shower."

Blood rushed into Jasper's face at the insinuation, and he sat up quickly in bed, hurrying to defend himself.

That's when the light bulb came on in his head.

**O O O**

Exhausted but satisfied, limp and relaxed and happy, Maggie placed her phone on her night stand. The light was already off, so there was nothing to do except roll over and pass out.

She felt a little guilty for taking advantage of Jasper that way. But what else could she do? Sometimes the stress got so bad that she felt like she was tied up in knots, going crazy, and nothing but a rush of serotonin could make her feel better. Help her get to sleep. Some people turned to drugs. She preferred the healthier alternative.

As she was getting her pillow situated, the phone beeped. Letting her know she had a text. She held it up long enough to see Jasper's name on the outside screen, then flipped it open and displayed the message.

**Hey mags nxt tim u need hlp stdyng, i thnk we shld do it n prsn. :-P**

He had her. Caught red-handed. She probably would have been humiliated if she didn't feel so darn _good_.

She texted back a heart, then snapped the phone shut and dropped it on her nightstand. Seconds after snuggling under her blankets, she was fast asleep.

**The End**


End file.
